Doing Nothing

I have learned more than ever how to just sit and be silent.

But its hard for me. When I was working in Cali (my internship and research) I realized that I was stressed--but I loved it. I love having responsibility moving around, meeting deadlines. But now that I'm just charged with finishing the writing of my research this month I'm getting ansy. 

I feel lonely and transcribing interviews is very tedious. For a while its just feels like me and my computer and I don't like it. I can't wait until I'm done writing and I can interact at a job again...

Maybe I'll be saying the same thing when I'm at the job :-/

Blog Name

Yes I'm a super nerd and love Lord of the Rings...so its named after one of the stories. Puntos for someone who knows!!!

But seriously I just reread the one of the books and the journey relates so much to what I'm going through right now.

Gandalf says to Bilbo: My dear Bilbo! Something is the matter with you! You are no longer the Hobbit that you were.

Hobbits have a lot to teach me in this sense (just listen to what I have to say and then you can laugh). Bilbo was an ordinary hobbit living in extremely comfortable and wealthy circumstances, with second breakfasts and endless amounts of ale in his house. And out of nowhere (although Tolkien credits it to his eccentric mother's side of the family, Took), he decides to go on an adventure with a wizard and 13 crazy/gold hungry dwarves. What was going on in his mind?

Maybe nothing was. The same occurred with me when I filled out my application to Fulbright Colombia. It was more of a feeling, like I needed to do this...?

In the film, Gandalf says: You will not be the same
And Bilbo says: Yes and that is what worries me

I think when arriving to Colombia that fear of personal growth, change, and development clouded me. Its not easy to learn about yourself, your faults, insecurities, and sometimes strengths and speaking spanish at the same time. Its scary. It makes you learn to accept take responsibility and live more purposefully.

While growth is a great thing, I find myself always want to stick where I am. Because its what I know. I guess the same for Bilbo. Why travel millions of miles away from the comfortable shire to kill a dragon and reclaim a lost dwarf legacy?

Because as humans, and hobbits, theres an urge, a push to be more than what we are at the moment. Sometimes we know theres more for us to learn and we decide to pass on that chance. But for Bilbo and I, we can't just sit in our hole and be comfortable. Theres a whole middle earth thats waiting to be discovered and known by us--ordinary folk!

So yes Gandalf you're right--I have changed.

Bogotá or Cali?

Ok, I have a confession. I do not like Bogotá. I LOVE Cali.

I'm in Cali for the entire month of January and Im so thankful that I'm here! I haven't even really been partying or doing "amazing" things. I've just been doing my research and making friends. To be honest I've never felt more comfortable/secure in Colombia. 

As I'm interested in a career in the Foreign Service (I'll go into this another post. Theres more that meets the eye), this type of change scares and enlightens me. Because its not the place, its me. What is it about me that has more trouble adapting to Bogotá than Cali?

After I went to Quibdo for a long weekend I had such a great time. When I arrived back in Bogotá I cried. My mom asks me "Is it because you're back in Bogotá?"

While it embarrasses me that I haven't had such an easy acculturation to Bogotá, I need to be honest with myself. A lot of times the past 5 months in Bogotá have felt like a dark period. While I know now that I don't need to be happy all the time, and difficult situations always arise as surely as the Sun sets, haha. 

One thing I did notice coming back from Quibdo, is that Bogotá feels like a Latin American city trying to be European. This is not based on fact, just my feelings/perceptions. I remember my Research advisor saying that Blanqueamiento is not just whitening african and indigenous people, but a whitening of mestizo culture. Theres always a push to make things more european, more white american, etc. 

In many ways, the dress, music, attitudes, and culture of Bogotá feels like 21st century blanqueamiento. However, Cali and Quibdo have just felt like themselves. As if theyre not trying to show off something- I know this is weird to say. 

Anyway. Everything starts with the individual. Apparently I still have some growth to do to confront my issues with living abroad. Montreal, Cali, Oakland- cities I found very easy to live in. Granada, Spain, Bogotá...not so much. I guess its ok to not like where I'm living. Maybe this experience is just necessary for personal/professional growth. 

Food Adventure Parte Dos!

I'm starting to realize that all I do in Bogotá is stuff my face...hhhm. Good thing I joined a running club.

 Here are Tacos at La Verdad. I like them a lot- this was about 15 mil. But don't ever try the Azteca Lasagna- Ugh! On my way to find bigger and better Mexican food in Colombia...if it exists.

These two are from Crepes and Waffles, one of Colombia's most popular food chains. Its fancy and the crepes, both sweet and savory, are delicious. Above is the Sopa del Sol. I think its like a pumpkin/squash soup with a cracker and cheese dipped in. Its simply fall in a bowl! To the right is the Baby Doll dessert. Its a crepe filled with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and bananas. On top, theres whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and nuts. Its absolutely divine. And Crepes and Waffles also has a large selection of gourmet ice cream flavors. 

 The next three are from an Afro-Colombian owned restaurant called Del Pacifico. The first picture is Cazuelo de Mariscos- a scrumptious soup with bits of shrimp, octopus, lobster, fish, and crab. 


Next are the side dishes. Ignore the sorry ass salad (I'm convinced Colombians don't know what a real salad is) and here you have arroz de coco, coconut rice, and a patacón, basically a twice fried green plantain, usually eaten with guacomole, cheese, or salsa on top. 



Last is fried fish. Although Colombian use no seasonings in cooking their meats, this is actually very good. As my Colombian friend said to me "El Carne tiene sabor!" The meat has taste/flavor...Ugh no. Try telling that to my grandmother who treats Lawry's like its a God. 

  

These two are from Masa. One of my favorite Brunch spots, here is a Veggie Frittata and macchiato. They have an amazing bakery where you can get all kinds of breads, croissants, and sweet goodies, including the chocolate chocolate cookie. Delicious! 

At 1492, which has an amazing 6 mil happy hour on cocktail drinks, the food is also incredible, yet pricey :-/....

This is a huge plantain filled with chicken, covered in cheese and marinara (?) sauce. Its amazing! And worth the 30 mil it costs.

The Never-Ending Race Debate

I have never felt more conscious of my "race" than here in Colombia. It isn't really commonplace in the States to just yell at someone on the street "Hey Black! Black! Black!" 

But here they do it all the time- morena, negrita, negra....Umm yea I don't like it. Yes I know they call my Gringa counterparts, mona, for Blond...but I really don't think its the same thing. Theres no history of a slavery for mona in Colombia is there?

Given Colombia's and the US' histories regarding slavery, discrimination, and prejudice, wouldn't racialized nicknames be disrespectful or insensitive? And doesn't saying "hermosa, sexy morena" point to an issue of how Black women's bodies have historically been sexualized and exoticized by western culture? 

You may think I'm being overly sensitive. Its just their culture right? I felt a little like that as well. Like I was trying to relate US ideas of race to Colombia, and it would never work. 

YET, my Afro-Colombian girlfriends hate those names too. 

After telling them about my experiences, they said the same thing happens to them and I need to speak up about it. Call people out on it. They even mentioned the same issues I said above, constantly referring to Black women as sexual objects and unnecessarily highlighting someone different than yourself. A man on the street called me Negra Negra Negra! And I spoke to him and said "Please don't call me Negra". I said PLEASE.  In response he began to yell at me even louder shouting "Negra Negra Negra" in the entire market. It was embarrassing and I was so angry. My gringa colleague justified it saying "Its just their culture". I guess that easier to say when you're the mona and not the morena. 

Maybe the reasoning for why my Afro-Colombian friends and I hate these nicknames is too sensitive or taking it overboard. But If we are offended it by it- doesn't it mean that its too soon to put these nicknames on us? Is there a possibility, tiny one, that Afro-Colombians and Afro-Gringos still face vestiges of racism in their daily lives and calling them Black or Negra is just too insensitive for what they have gone through?

When I arrived to Colombia I learned very quickly not to call myself an "American." I was annoyed at this. I didn't mean to be arrogant. All my life I have been used to calling my nationality- "American!" But, it wasn't so much my intention, but how people perceived it. Although you don't mean to offend me by calling me Negrita, you do. 

It has taken me a long time to write this post and I have been meaning to. Not only do I feel over-racialized, but I have friends, White Gringos and White Colombians that think its ok to say these things to me. It was making me really depressed, like I couldn't trust my friends and I just needed to get out of Bogotá. It would be interesting to have convos with some gringos, and them being so surprised at the name calling, or even- oh my god- that racism still exists in the States! Wow. 

I didn't want to lose my friends by bringing up this issue, so I just let it simmer in my mind. Making me more sad about my experience here. 

But the other day, I spoke to one of my Colombian friends about it. And he was so understanding. At the end of the convo, he said that it was really important for him to talk about this. He had been scared to bring it up, and was glad that we came to an understanding. 

What I forgot to tell him is that, that I was even more grateful. It was nice to feel comfortable to talk about an issue that plagues me with a friend. Maybe he didn't understand everything. But he was willing to listen. And that made a big difference. 

Maybe both sides just need to stop being scared of one another and take the plunge. We'll be surprised what we discover. 

Food Adventures!

Like the Bougie Washingtonian I am-I set out very quickly to find the best and tastiest restaurants in Bogotá. The only reason I haven't gained weight is because I walk ALL the time. This is a first of many Food Posts!

Here are a couple pics of my food adventures....

 

The first is at a Mexican Restaurant called "La Verdad," in La Macarena. These are enchiladas in the red sauce, but you have an option for the green or the mole (chocolate sauce, but makes for a sweet-savory combination). As you see on the side, they include the red sauce, green, guacamole, mole, and a black bean paste. It was soo good! Actually, I'll say some of the best mexican food I've had. Although, I think I'm only accustomed to Tex-Mex in the states.

 After I ate at "La Verdad" I walked across the street to "Artesano" which is a lovely Cafe. The only issue is that its teeny!! I had the wild berry pie, which they heat up and add a scoop of ice cream, along with an expresso. Not a coffee drinker, but you have to in Colombia. "Artesano" is great, they have several other desserts which I plan on trying as well as some salads and wraps.

This is a Wok fusion restaurant called "Pralala." Its very nice! Most of the food is Wok, and this particular dish was a shrimp and noodle wok with italian spices. Don't ask me how it works, it just does! "Pralala" is also in La Macarena, basically my spot. 

The next two are "truer" Colombian restaurants...even though in general, I don't eat a lot of Colombian food. The first is called "La Ruta" in Teusaquillo. It is a roasted chicken with rice, criolla potatoes (love them!!), rice and salad. Since Colombians don't believe in salt or any seasoning, it tastes better with a little soy sauce on top. I know...but it makes sense when you think less and just eat. THe restaurant only makes two dishes per day, and its a flat rate of 12 mil for an appetizer main dish, drink, and teeny dessert (I mean it. they might as well not even give the dessert). The juice in the picture is Maracuya, Passion Fruit. The other is at "Andres D.C." in Zona T. This is good! Perfectly grilled chicken with a bbq sauce and yuca on the side. The meat was succulent and crispy. However Andres is a bit expensive. I had a mojito too! Soooo good, but like 20 mil, which is a lot. Here I was at a Fulbright event. 

My last picture is a glass of wine at one of my favorite cafes "Luvina." Wine is damn expensive in Colombia. But every now and then I indulge :)

No Afros in Bogotá???

Every time I meet someone and I tell them I'm doing Afro-Colombian studies, they're like "Well I think you should go to _____________ (insert Cali, Chocó, or Buenaventura), they're isn't really a strong presence here in Bogotá"

I always felt so annoyed when people said this. Something about it just didn't seem intelligent-lol. So I asked my Advisor, and she went IN. She clearly noted a large population of young Afro-Colombians, and that most Afro-Colombians live in the cities. She noted that each time someone sees a Black person in Bogotá they say, "Y usted de donde es?" and when they say Bogotá, they're like, "pero su familia es del Pacificó si?" 

She then gave me a couple of articles to read, based on the DANE census. Ok. theres something wrong with this perception. There is a difference between a percentage and actual numbers. Bogotá is spread out, and its population is larger than cities in the Pacific. Yes there are Black people here, and there has been for several years, and they weren't all recent migrants. 

This reminds me of how I felt in DC, when every time I said I was from DC, Yuppies would be like "Ohhh, but, like, I mean, no one's actually from DC". Uhh, shut your mouth and eat your brunch. You don't anything about DC, just focusing on your limited perception of who comprises your happy hour meet ups and yoga classes. You wouldn't know that a large population of people were pushed out of DC to Maryland to make room for a gentrified city. 

While these are two examples are quite disparate, I think its a good discussion about perception, and delving deeper than a superficial idea of what DC or Bogotá is. There is a whole group of people that you could miss because you're stuck in Zona T (Bogotá) or in Georgetown, DC (btw did you know that Georgetown was an all Black neighborhood years ago?). Its so important to read the history, walk around in new neighborhoods, or you could loose an enriching experience.  Feel free to leave comments! I love a good debate!