I have never felt more conscious of my "race" than here in Colombia. It isn't really commonplace in the States to just yell at someone on the street "Hey Black! Black! Black!"
But here they do it all the time- morena, negrita, negra....Umm yea I don't like it. Yes I know they call my Gringa counterparts, mona, for Blond...but I really don't think its the same thing. Theres no history of a slavery for mona in Colombia is there?
Given Colombia's and the US' histories regarding slavery, discrimination, and prejudice, wouldn't racialized nicknames be disrespectful or insensitive? And doesn't saying "hermosa, sexy morena" point to an issue of how Black women's bodies have historically been sexualized and exoticized by western culture?
You may think I'm being overly sensitive. Its just their culture right? I felt a little like that as well. Like I was trying to relate US ideas of race to Colombia, and it would never work.
YET, my Afro-Colombian girlfriends hate those names too.
After telling them about my experiences, they said the same thing happens to them and I need to speak up about it. Call people out on it. They even mentioned the same issues I said above, constantly referring to Black women as sexual objects and unnecessarily highlighting someone different than yourself. A man on the street called me Negra Negra Negra! And I spoke to him and said "Please don't call me Negra". I said PLEASE. In response he began to yell at me even louder shouting "Negra Negra Negra" in the entire market. It was embarrassing and I was so angry. My gringa colleague justified it saying "Its just their culture". I guess that easier to say when you're the mona and not the morena.
Maybe the reasoning for why my Afro-Colombian friends and I hate these nicknames is too sensitive or taking it overboard. But If we are offended it by it- doesn't it mean that its too soon to put these nicknames on us? Is there a possibility, tiny one, that Afro-Colombians and Afro-Gringos still face vestiges of racism in their daily lives and calling them Black or Negra is just too insensitive for what they have gone through?
When I arrived to Colombia I learned very quickly not to call myself an "American." I was annoyed at this. I didn't mean to be arrogant. All my life I have been used to calling my nationality- "American!" But, it wasn't so much my intention, but how people perceived it. Although you don't mean to offend me by calling me Negrita, you do.
It has taken me a long time to write this post and I have been meaning to. Not only do I feel over-racialized, but I have friends, White Gringos and White Colombians that think its ok to say these things to me. It was making me really depressed, like I couldn't trust my friends and I just needed to get out of Bogotá. It would be interesting to have convos with some gringos, and them being so surprised at the name calling, or even- oh my god- that racism still exists in the States! Wow.
I didn't want to lose my friends by bringing up this issue, so I just let it simmer in my mind. Making me more sad about my experience here.
But the other day, I spoke to one of my Colombian friends about it. And he was so understanding. At the end of the convo, he said that it was really important for him to talk about this. He had been scared to bring it up, and was glad that we came to an understanding.
What I forgot to tell him is that, that I was even more grateful. It was nice to feel comfortable to talk about an issue that plagues me with a friend. Maybe he didn't understand everything. But he was willing to listen. And that made a big difference.
Maybe both sides just need to stop being scared of one another and take the plunge. We'll be surprised what we discover.
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