I have learned more than ever how to just sit and be silent.
But its hard for me. When I was working in Cali (my internship and research) I realized that I was stressed--but I loved it. I love having responsibility moving around, meeting deadlines. But now that I'm just charged with finishing the writing of my research this month I'm getting ansy.
I feel lonely and transcribing interviews is very tedious. For a while its just feels like me and my computer and I don't like it. I can't wait until I'm done writing and I can interact at a job again...
Maybe I'll be saying the same thing when I'm at the job :-/
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Blog Name
Yes I'm a super nerd and love Lord of the Rings...so its named after one of the stories. Puntos for someone who knows!!!
But seriously I just reread the one of the books and the journey relates so much to what I'm going through right now.
Gandalf says to Bilbo: My dear Bilbo! Something is the matter with you! You are no longer the Hobbit that you were.
Hobbits have a lot to teach me in this sense (just listen to what I have to say and then you can laugh). Bilbo was an ordinary hobbit living in extremely comfortable and wealthy circumstances, with second breakfasts and endless amounts of ale in his house. And out of nowhere (although Tolkien credits it to his eccentric mother's side of the family, Took), he decides to go on an adventure with a wizard and 13 crazy/gold hungry dwarves. What was going on in his mind?
Maybe nothing was. The same occurred with me when I filled out my application to Fulbright Colombia. It was more of a feeling, like I needed to do this...?
In the film, Gandalf says: You will not be the same
And Bilbo says: Yes and that is what worries me
I think when arriving to Colombia that fear of personal growth, change, and development clouded me. Its not easy to learn about yourself, your faults, insecurities, and sometimes strengths and speaking spanish at the same time. Its scary. It makes you learn to accept take responsibility and live more purposefully.
While growth is a great thing, I find myself always want to stick where I am. Because its what I know. I guess the same for Bilbo. Why travel millions of miles away from the comfortable shire to kill a dragon and reclaim a lost dwarf legacy?
Because as humans, and hobbits, theres an urge, a push to be more than what we are at the moment. Sometimes we know theres more for us to learn and we decide to pass on that chance. But for Bilbo and I, we can't just sit in our hole and be comfortable. Theres a whole middle earth thats waiting to be discovered and known by us--ordinary folk!
So yes Gandalf you're right--I have changed.
But seriously I just reread the one of the books and the journey relates so much to what I'm going through right now.
Gandalf says to Bilbo: My dear Bilbo! Something is the matter with you! You are no longer the Hobbit that you were.
Hobbits have a lot to teach me in this sense (just listen to what I have to say and then you can laugh). Bilbo was an ordinary hobbit living in extremely comfortable and wealthy circumstances, with second breakfasts and endless amounts of ale in his house. And out of nowhere (although Tolkien credits it to his eccentric mother's side of the family, Took), he decides to go on an adventure with a wizard and 13 crazy/gold hungry dwarves. What was going on in his mind?
Maybe nothing was. The same occurred with me when I filled out my application to Fulbright Colombia. It was more of a feeling, like I needed to do this...?
In the film, Gandalf says: You will not be the same
And Bilbo says: Yes and that is what worries me
I think when arriving to Colombia that fear of personal growth, change, and development clouded me. Its not easy to learn about yourself, your faults, insecurities, and sometimes strengths and speaking spanish at the same time. Its scary. It makes you learn to accept take responsibility and live more purposefully.
While growth is a great thing, I find myself always want to stick where I am. Because its what I know. I guess the same for Bilbo. Why travel millions of miles away from the comfortable shire to kill a dragon and reclaim a lost dwarf legacy?
Because as humans, and hobbits, theres an urge, a push to be more than what we are at the moment. Sometimes we know theres more for us to learn and we decide to pass on that chance. But for Bilbo and I, we can't just sit in our hole and be comfortable. Theres a whole middle earth thats waiting to be discovered and known by us--ordinary folk!
So yes Gandalf you're right--I have changed.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Bogotá or Cali?
Ok, I have a confession. I do not like Bogotá. I LOVE Cali.
I'm in Cali for the entire month of January and Im so thankful that I'm here! I haven't even really been partying or doing "amazing" things. I've just been doing my research and making friends. To be honest I've never felt more comfortable/secure in Colombia.
As I'm interested in a career in the Foreign Service (I'll go into this another post. Theres more that meets the eye), this type of change scares and enlightens me. Because its not the place, its me. What is it about me that has more trouble adapting to Bogotá than Cali?
After I went to Quibdo for a long weekend I had such a great time. When I arrived back in Bogotá I cried. My mom asks me "Is it because you're back in Bogotá?"
While it embarrasses me that I haven't had such an easy acculturation to Bogotá, I need to be honest with myself. A lot of times the past 5 months in Bogotá have felt like a dark period. While I know now that I don't need to be happy all the time, and difficult situations always arise as surely as the Sun sets, haha.
One thing I did notice coming back from Quibdo, is that Bogotá feels like a Latin American city trying to be European. This is not based on fact, just my feelings/perceptions. I remember my Research advisor saying that Blanqueamiento is not just whitening african and indigenous people, but a whitening of mestizo culture. Theres always a push to make things more european, more white american, etc.
In many ways, the dress, music, attitudes, and culture of Bogotá feels like 21st century blanqueamiento. However, Cali and Quibdo have just felt like themselves. As if theyre not trying to show off something- I know this is weird to say.
Anyway. Everything starts with the individual. Apparently I still have some growth to do to confront my issues with living abroad. Montreal, Cali, Oakland- cities I found very easy to live in. Granada, Spain, Bogotá...not so much. I guess its ok to not like where I'm living. Maybe this experience is just necessary for personal/professional growth.
I'm in Cali for the entire month of January and Im so thankful that I'm here! I haven't even really been partying or doing "amazing" things. I've just been doing my research and making friends. To be honest I've never felt more comfortable/secure in Colombia.
As I'm interested in a career in the Foreign Service (I'll go into this another post. Theres more that meets the eye), this type of change scares and enlightens me. Because its not the place, its me. What is it about me that has more trouble adapting to Bogotá than Cali?
After I went to Quibdo for a long weekend I had such a great time. When I arrived back in Bogotá I cried. My mom asks me "Is it because you're back in Bogotá?"
While it embarrasses me that I haven't had such an easy acculturation to Bogotá, I need to be honest with myself. A lot of times the past 5 months in Bogotá have felt like a dark period. While I know now that I don't need to be happy all the time, and difficult situations always arise as surely as the Sun sets, haha.
One thing I did notice coming back from Quibdo, is that Bogotá feels like a Latin American city trying to be European. This is not based on fact, just my feelings/perceptions. I remember my Research advisor saying that Blanqueamiento is not just whitening african and indigenous people, but a whitening of mestizo culture. Theres always a push to make things more european, more white american, etc.
In many ways, the dress, music, attitudes, and culture of Bogotá feels like 21st century blanqueamiento. However, Cali and Quibdo have just felt like themselves. As if theyre not trying to show off something- I know this is weird to say.
Anyway. Everything starts with the individual. Apparently I still have some growth to do to confront my issues with living abroad. Montreal, Cali, Oakland- cities I found very easy to live in. Granada, Spain, Bogotá...not so much. I guess its ok to not like where I'm living. Maybe this experience is just necessary for personal/professional growth.
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