And the Existential Melt-Down continues

Ok I've been trying my hardest to be "calm, cool, and sexy" about things. But I gotta keep it real. This past month has been a lot. Like I took a second to evaluate all the things that transpired in my life this summer:

• I quit my job in June
• Cut off all my locks- best decision of the summer!
• I broke up with my boyfriend- not my favorite moment. 
• MOVED to another country, where I didn't know ANYONE and barely spoke their language (in the words of another Fulbrighter "its all a lie! I don't actually speak spanish!")
• Meanwhile trying to figure out new graduate school plans, scholarships, GRE

Like...maybe I should give myself credit. At first I was like "why am I not assimilating to this culture fast enough?" "whats wrong with my gringa accent?" "Why don't I understand how to get from x to z?"

But in reality, I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. Take it easy. Things are not going to happen the way I expect. Such as my research. Which I had to completely change a week ago. Yes thats right, start from scratch-everything. 

Sometimes I'm sitting on a little collectivo, my legs barely fitting in the seats (because no one in Bogotá is taller than 5 feet!), and I look at the people and I'm like "How the heck did I end up in Colombia, South America?" "Like what the hell am I doing?"

I'm here to do research, and even that is another puzzle. 

This is one of the biggest lessons I will face in patience. Instead of pressuring myself with all these ridiculous questions that waste time an energy, I just need to chill. What's an experience without a healthy challenge?